Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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