I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
