I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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