It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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