so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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