Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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