Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She bit a glass in half.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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