I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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