sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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