I cannot find my penis.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
