Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
