Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
