Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Panties = found
Randomize
