where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
