I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
