i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
