What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
