Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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