Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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