just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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