This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
