you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
