Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize