dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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