i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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