Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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