I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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