Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
