There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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