I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
