The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
