i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize