All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
