well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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