I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
