Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
