We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
did i walk over a car last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
