If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
