I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
