let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
