are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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