The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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