its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
