why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
