I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
