She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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