just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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