I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
