please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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