The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
