at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
