There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
