so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
