just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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