the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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