I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
