i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
