Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
