i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
