I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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