he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
