I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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