so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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