Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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